slow down.

I wish I could tell my younger self to slow down.
I was always in a rush.
Have my first kiss.
Meet my first boyfriend.
Graduate from high school.
Move out of my parents house.
Find a major.
Get married.
Graduate from college.
Have a baby.
Soothe that baby out of a tantrum.
Push the first baby off to school.
Meet new friends.
Decorate the apartment/house.
Find myself.

Rushing made me miss really great moments. Moments where I could cry, laugh, teach, learn, understand, and be amazed.

I'm learning to slow down. Even though I'm so behind with work (I will probably be behind for the rest of my life seeing as it's impossible to get 5 kids to bed at a decent hour), I've started to take my time with the kids at night again. I've selfishly been rushing bedtime for the past couple of years. But lately, I've been finishing the chapter they beg me to finish, cuddling them a minute longer because they want to feel my warmth and sing that extra song because they love to hear mama sing.

Slowing down feels so good. And you know what, the work still gets done. My kids are mostly to school on time. ;) The house will be decorated with time. And friends will come. I used to feel so much anxiety about not making friends; I've even felt that way here, but being home with my kids this summer made me realize that I have a great friend base right at my fingertips if I just let them in. My kids love to talk to me and ask me all kinds of crazy, nonsensical questions. They are the best conversationalists. I just can't be in a hurry. Because when I am, I kill the mood and the words before they have a chance to take shape. I still occasionally seek out friends, but they will come. I'm not at all concerned about that now.

Oh the things I could tell the younger me. But this would be the first thing, and perhaps the most important.

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"Be kind and considerate with your criticism... It's just as hard to write a bad book as it is to write a good book." Malcolm Cowley